Recently I heard a man speaking about a time when his preschool daughter acted up to the point that her mother couldn’t give their new baby enough attention. The man’s wife called him, asking him to come home to help deal with their daughter.

When he got home, the little girl was crying and raising a real fuss. He tried to calm her down, without much effect. Finally she calmed enough to speak. He was floored by what she said …

“I was the first one born so I’ll be the first to die.”

Hearing this brought tears to my eyes. It reminded me that, beyond listening, it is important to remember that there are things going on inside each of us that others do not know or see.

I work in a place where I am talking to others on the phone all the time. Sometimes they are unkind, sometimes inexplicably rude. At times like that, I try to keep in mind that although their behaviour is unacceptable there may be reasons why they act the way they do.

Some people are just rude by nature. Most of the time, however, their behaviour doesn’t reflect their feelings about you or what you are doing. Something completely outside of your interaction has troubled or angered them. Often, if we do not respond in kind but, instead, answer rudeness with kindness, our quiet politeness will disarm them.  Sometimes they will even open up and share what is really going on.

When dealing with difficult people it can help to remember that there may be stressors and/or fears in their lives that we know nothing of.